Dear blogger,

These few days have been hard on me. Both physically and emotionally.

Well there was a snow storm yesterday, and I stayed at home, which was quite relaxing. Plus I got some things done. ahaa… but that’s the only good part about the whole situation. In the afternoon, my mom was off to work and wasn’t coming home until past dinner. So me and my sisters were waiting for my dad to come home from work later on in the afternoon. Seeing so much snow in the driveway, I decided to go out and shovel it myself. I didn’t want my dad to do it after he got home from a long day at work. I love my parents and I appreciate all of their hard work because I understand how hard it is for them to raise a family. Which is why I decide to help out as much as possible.

But who would have thought that wet snow was heavy ? So I went out with a shovel, and no experience and started to scoop. The first fifteen minutes or so seemed fine, and then I realized I was only finished less than 1/4 of the driveway! Yeah sure it was -7 outside, but this was hard labour, and I had to take my jacket off ! haha. When I was halfway finished, I wanted to fall back and just make snow angels like I used to. But it’s different now, I should be more responsible. I don’t think I would have been able to finish the whole driveway if it wasn’t for me persevering myself. My only motivation was to think about how hard my parents work, and how hard I should work.
Total time: Two and a half hours.
Result: Aching back and shoulders that will probably last about a week.

I help out at home as much as I can. But sometimes I forget about my school priorities. On my recent math test, I got 65% . Ouch; that’s not a Michelle Fok mark. What was happening to me? I keep telling myself I need to do better, but this year, times are just getting really hard. So of course I didn’t get the test signed, and my teacher called my dad today. He was in shock too. So again with the lectures, and so did the solution to my marks. My parents keep concluding that I will have to go to Holy Name, because I need a better learning environment in order to get “proper” education and actually go some where in life. But how can I improve my marks if I am forced into an environment that I don’t even like? Now I’m stressing over this because my parents are serious and I need to step up my performance in school. I already have everything that I could possibly ask for in d’y. I have met the most amazing people who have changed my life for the better. I also never thought that I could learn to love again, since the “incident”, but their love for me is stronger and more valuable then anything else right now. They are the ones that bring me up when I am down. It makes my heart ache knowing that I might be separated from my second family.

It’s all up to me to change.

I just don’t know how.