Dear blogger,

I can't quite decode the message that's in her eyes. Jealousy? Envy? Happiness even? Other than the fact that I haven't had a full conversation with her, I feel as if we've drifted so far that it's hard to understand her now. Well I can't exactly say that we were really close before, but we did get the opportunity to share our stories with each other. I guess it's safe to say that I actually miss her. Sure, I get to see her everyday, but it's just not the same anymore.

It was only a matter of weeks ago that I felt she was taking away what was rightfully mine. I wasn't selfish, I just felt that it was unfair. Unfair that she was the one who got the opportunity that I deserved. Now, the situation seems to be totally contrasted. Everytime I saw her today, she also saw me with someone. And yet, she still has that bubbly smile on her face. Is she satisfied? It's funny because I thought that since we thought so much alike, that she would have wanted to be in my position too. Either I'm wrong or she's just too good at hiding her emotions.

I'm happy to say that this someone actually loves me for who I am, and I can even say that I love this person in return. At first I was confused about this "love." Now I figure it can't go any deeper into something I wish it could have been. Instead it was just more than enough. More than I can ever ask for, because this person changed my life.

Dear blogger,

Last night I finally got the opportunity to spend the night will one of my best friends. We've been through everything together, and it was our mutual support that got us to where we are today. Above everyone else I have ever met in my life, it was her who I know that no matter what happens in the future, she will welcome me with open arms. Never did she judge me, but instead she actually appreciates the things I do for her. Truth is, I treat all of my friends with the same love and care. You just have to look deep enough to see it. If you're going to take every little thing and assume something else, that only makes you unworthy to be my friend. Clearly you don't even know who you are yet, so what makes you think that it gives you a right to try and figure me out? For those people, I pity you. I'm sorry that you're not grateful that I take the time to care about you. It's your fault if you can't see past what meets the eye.

There doesn't always have to be something dramatic that happens for you to realize the truth, does it? Are you not capable of figuring things out on your own. Or perhaps you're just weak.
Sorry, I tried to help you, but now it's up to you to do that yourself.
The only thing I can do is pray for your poor selfish soul.

Dear blogger,

I always write to you, but today I had a thought... If only you could reply back to me.

All of my thoughts and questions will be heard and answered, and maybe I'll feel some sort of securtiy. It would be so much easier if you can guide me through life, and show me the rightful things to do. Perhaps this can be a solution to all the mistakes I make in my life. Over and over again, I do little things that can be so regretful. And since it's already done, I can't change the past. That's the difference between real life and in front of the computer screen. When you come face to face with someone, the words come out of your mouth, and it is already heard. You can add onto what you said, but the other person has already heard you. In the computer world, there's a key on the keyboard called "Delete." Let's just say, there were so many times when I wished I could highlight a chunk of my life, and just press Delete. Too bad life isn't like that.

That is all I have to say, before I say something stupid and regret it.

Dear blogger,

I need to say my goodbyes to my grandparents as they head off back home. I am so thankful for them, because I have no idea who could have held our family together during such hard times if it weren't for them. No they must go, but I have to accept this fact. It's going to be hard on us, I know, but I have to learn to let go sooner or later.

Dear blogger,

I'm so glad he's smiling again. It reassures me to know that there isn't something that's bothering him. Well at least not for now. I care about him a lot, and his happiness makes me feel like I have done my part in this relationship. Isn't that what friends are for?
I hope this can keep up, and he doesn't go back and forth with his emotions again. It makes me feel so uneasy whenever I don't see that smile spread across his face. That smile of his is probably the only thing in the world that can make me feel secure during such a time in my life.

I pray to God that he will be able to smile more. So that it may brighten my life, and lighten these dark moments.

"Anything you truly want must be worth fighting for."

- Betty, Ugly Betty

Dear blogger,

I've been contemplating, is it worth the fight? Because I sure do want it, but I have to know if it's worth it or not. Otherwise it would have just been a big waste of my time.
It would make my life so much easier if you made it more obvious for me. Make it clear so I can see if this is what I actually want in my life. Show me soon, or I might just give up.

Dear blogger,

The weight that I feel on my chest is getting heavier and heavier. I don't know what to do.

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”

- Lao Tzu

Hmm, so if I love, would that make it easier for me to be more courageous?

“What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?”

-Vincent Van Gogh

Dear blogger,

I know this feeling when I see it. It’s very well known to me actually, and I guess you can say we are even friends because of how close we are. You know, that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when that someone talks to you. The way everyone and almost everything around you seems less important because you are with the person you love. To you, this it the only person in the world who can make you feel this way and make you feel so valuable. You don’t feel this way around anyone else, and therefore come to the conclusion that this person is, the one.

You don’t change for this person, because you are a strong independent person, but you do show another side of yourself. A side that only you are aware of, in hopes that this person will feel the same way towards you.

Yeah, I know it all.

Now all of this is happening to me all over again. Last time, I jumped high, and fell hard. I was expecting too much, and I also made many mistakes in the development of our relationship. Which is why I definitely don’t want the same thing to happen again.

Recently, there has been someone new that makes me feel this way. Ever since you weren’t in my life anymore, I always thought to myself, how can I get any better when I’ve have the best. You were the best I had, until I finally opened my eyes and realized that you weren’t the one for me. Someone else needed you in their lives even more. I can’t say I got better than before, but I have met someone who makes me feel the same way. Is it love?

The thing I hate the most about this relationship between me and you, is the fact that I am so uncertain. Of what you think, and of what to expect tomorrow. You are so hard to figure out and I wish I could “de-code” you better. I’m trying to put all of the pieces of this puzzle together, but the shapes just don’t fit together. I tried turning them around, but they still don’t fit. The whole picture can’t even be made out yet.
What if I’m trying so hard to finish this puzzle, that one day I realize, I was missing pieces.